Trans* Trip-Up
It needed to be said, since I’m tired of every conversation about our comic (on other sites) devolving into discussion of my crotch giblets.
Of course, that comes with the huge caveat that I am personally an open book, but that’s only when asked directly and within context (i.e., the subject of my crotch has been brought up, by us). Otherwise, it’s needlessly invasive, objectifying, and rarely comes from a place of genuine understanding. And that’s my liberal take on the subject. Imagine a trans* person who is as private as any other person or isn’t “out” or experiences dysphoria with their bodies.
This is a lesson lots of people need to learn: don’t be a Katie Couric.
(The genital issue starts at 2:22.)
Discussion (56) ¬
Thank you! Now I have a handy place to send folks when they ask those questions. I love this comic.
I’m actually glad Katie Couric asked that insensitive question. I hope that everyone who watched that now understands how insensitive it is to focus on genitalia, and is more aware of the sorts of violent issues and dangerous discrimination that trans people face daily. Laverne Cox’s answer was absolutely brilliant, and this comic is just perfect!
yeah. The whole stuff about Lesbians 101 was actually already handy a several times. ^^
When I first watched this interview I cringed so hard… But Carmen and Laverne deal with it in the best way possible. Love love love them.
I’ve only watched the link that you provided, and not read more on what happened, but my impression having watched the clip you posted is to wonder if Katie Couric’s question was deliberately lobbed in order to give Laverne Cox an opportunity to respond in the way that she did.
I think it was less that the question was lobbed and more that Ms Cox walked onto that stage with a pretty good idea that those questions would be asked. Because they’re always asked. The only novel thing was her response, and good on her for it.
Laverne Cox was responding specifically to Couric’s former insensitive faux pas to Janet Mock, which was lobbed rather bluntly and stupidly by Couric. Mock immediately brushed off the question and said it was a bad thing to ask, so the fact that Couric immediately went running to her next trans* guest to try to justify herself was, in my opinion, in poor taste. I am glad that Cox was able to say what she said, and I’m sure it was at least partly scripted to cover up the former faux pas, but it doesn’t lessen Couric’s gossip-y nature of being a bad ally.
“crotch giblets” has got to be my new favourite label for genitals. Thank you! (also, why anyone would ask questions like that is beyond me)
Stupid question time: what’s the asterisk behind “trans” for? It doesn’t appear to be footnote.
The asterisk denotes that “trans” is really just an umbrella term. When you say “Trans*”, it’s almost like saying LGBT, which is the umbrella term for every orientation variable. There’s transgender/transexual/transvestite/genderqueer/genderfluid, etc etc etc. Hope that helped! 🙂
Shortcut for man/woman/person, substitute as suitable; in computing, * is a wildcard, so not used as a footnote here, I believe.
Not exactly. If you identify as trans* you could be trans woman, trans man, transsexual, genderqueer, gender fluid, bigender, agender, non-binary, trans feminine, trans masculine, androgynous, two spirit, third gender, or any of the incredibly long lost of trans* identities
The asterisk is a symbol to represent that we are speaking about all trans folks and not one particular identity label
You are both correct. The * means for those of us who dont identify within the gender binary. Thing is, the *, in computing, really does means “open ended wildcard” meaning “anything related” (a ? is a close-ended wildcard, meaning to replace a single letter with something else, thus is more exclusive)
The idea of the two are the same: The trans community is an open-ended wildcard.
After all, i’m a transwoman, and my mate is actually transfeminine. I’m also one of the more “gender-binary” types of our local social groups. (but being a cajun/country cowgirl is not precisely what you’re call “feminine” on the binary! haha!)
I’m the sort of person who would gladly talk about my genitals on live television to an audience of millions, but when I get asked about my genitals because I am trans I don’t answer. It’s so objectifying, and the context seems to be that my genitals define me somehow. Actually the whole point about being trans is that they don’t, thank you very much.
I honestly wouldn’t mind people asking about my penis I enjoy talking about it but thats most because my best friend is the super prude so i go into great detail about alot of shit that would be considered awkward.
Sorry, I can’t really get behind this comic. Transgender is both a thing that is very new (surgically), a thing that is very rare, and a thing that is presented outwardly and publically (your gender is part of how you present yourself). It shouldn’t be surprising or offensive that people ask questions about it, anymore than if you left the house every day in BDSM gear, or a clown outfit, people are gonna ask questions about that too.
I understand it probably gets annoying and invasive, but if you are identifying yourself in a way that is unfamiliar and unusual to people, it really isn’t fair to expect them not to react with curiosity at the very least.
You talk about the questions not coming from a place of genuine understanding – of course not. If they had genuine understanding, they wouldn’t need to ask. Even if a person asks and scoffs, as they roll it around in their head and become acclimatized to it, they’ll be more receptive to it on their next encounter.
Hey, no one has to like all of the comics, that’s fine! But I feel like there might be some misunderstandings:
First of all, sex reassignment surgery is not a “new thing,” as well-documented cases were evident since at least the 1920s-30s, and while they’re statistically rare, it’s a concept I believe nearly everyone in our culture is familiar with.
Secondly, not every trans* person gets sex reassignment surgery. Everyone has different priorities for their bodies, what they feel suits them best, and a large number of people have no interest in it whatsoever.
Thirdly, it is absolutely nothing like leaving your house “in BDSM gear or a clown outfit.” Trans* people are simply presenting themselves as every other human being: wearing the clothes they feel comfortable in, cutting their hair how they like, and behaving like anyone else. There’s a fair chance you wouldn’t realize a person was trans* on sight, and even if you did get an inkling, they’re just people trying to live their lives. The comparison is unwarranted and unfair.
And that covers the problems with how you’re approaching the issue. As far as your views: yes, it’s natural for people to be curious when they encounter someone who’s outside of their “norm.” The difference between instinctual curiosity and a socially-acceptable level of tact and respect is to know when your questions are invasive and rude. There’s an enormous chasm of appropriateness between asking someone private questions when you know them on a personal, private level and/or they’re discussing their trans* identity in regards to their bodies versus blurting out intensely personal questions to someone out of the blue or publicly speculating about their genitals. The response to this comic (and its very point) is that most trans* people experience the latter.
Any discussion about a particular person’s genitals that is not initiated by the person in question is not coming from a place of genuine understanding — it’s gawking. It’s gossip. It’s needlessly invasive, because unless you are that person’s actual sexual partner or personal physician, what they have in their crotch concerns you exactly 0.000000000%. It doesn’t impact your life in any way. It doesn’t affect their identity. It’s one thing to ask questions about trans* people in general to better understand what they’re all about, but that’s not what this comic is about. It’s about the invasion of personal privacy and how frustrating it is when people feel entitled to knowing your every little private detail just because you’re different from them.
It’s not fair, it’s not seemly, and I’m tired of watching trans* people being objectified and fair game for every little inquisition because of our identities.
Like I wrote: it needed to be said.
First off, posts and comics like this that are informative about issues like this, are honestly probably a big part of why I keep coming back to this comic. Well, that and that both of you (A & K) generally seem like likable interesting people, if a bit strange in some ways (Though honestly I’m pretty sure thats just humanity in a nutshell, most people just don’t have the courage or whatever it takes to feel like they can let their own oddities out there.).
In any case, I’m pretty sure treating other people like lab rats or other sorts of scientific or medical oddities, is generally something people are usually expected to ‘know better’ than to think its socially acceptable to do, which means it probably deserves being called out if it happens nonetheless.
Though…when it comes to these things I’m maybe several centuries behind the times, cause when it comes down to it, I’d generally rather not have anyone talk about whats in their pants or what they do with it in any sort of detail. Cause yeah, its a very private matter that shouldn’t have any relevance beyond the situations you mentioned previously. I’m not sure I’d want to live in a world where that question isn’t awkward on all ends.
In any case, keep up the wonderful work on the comics, both this one and Find Chaos as well. (Even if Chaos Life is the main one I always come back for, cause sometimes I like letting a backlog build on the other one)
When I first transitioned at work, I sent out an email stating my new name, email, and to how I would like to be referred. I made sure to add a line that mentioned that if anyone has any questions/would like to discuss my transition in an open forum, I would be more than happy to discuss it. It has been about 2 years since I began transitioning and only one person ever asked me anything.
I live just south of San Francisco which is relatively liberal. Either no one gives two craps around here or people talk about it in private. Generally, discussing how the SRS procedure goes in graphic detail is enough to turn most people off of the subject.
I’ve found similar things for myself. Five years of transitioning, and my friends, who i can clearly read their faces to be extremely curious, never ask questions. I’m thankful they have enough tact to realize it’s highly invasive; thing is, i’m also a very open person. I’m extremely dysphoric, but as long as the person has the mind to realize i dont like speaking of that kind of thing, and to be tactful about asking, i’ll answer pretty much anything people wish to know about being trans. Including that.
Recently, a friend took three years, and ultimately blurted out loud a question that had been bugging her that entire time. It shocked me, given she didnt prepare me for the conversation, and it was in a public place (but thankfully she blurted it when it was empty!).
I recoiled mentally, and ultimately was unable to give a good answer, simply due to the fact the suddenness didnt allow me to buffer my mind from the dysphoria.
It amazing to experience in life that pretty much any time someone is given the availability to ask questions, they wont, but when it’s not convenient, that is when the curiosity kicks in.
I dunno. Humans. they are weird. XD
This is a thing that happens??? Holy crap that must be horrible. .
OMG….I cannot thank you enough for this comic! Even though I have yet to start going through any of the transitions, I get questions like this pretty much the moment people find out I’m trans.
a new, superior sort of genital. with automatic vibration functions
The Six Million Dollar Genitals.
“We can rebuild them. Make them stronger. Faster—”
“Wait, doctor! ‘Faster’ might not be a good thing.”
“Oh. True. Then we’ll add a vibration setting.”
I don’t remember where I read this, so if anyone recognizes it, please add the source in a reply:
When it comes to another person’s body, if you don’t get to touch it, you don’t get to talk about it.
Let’s be honest. We’re not educated on the matter and no one is trying to change that. Why on earth will you ask something like that to another person? Don’t think anyone would ask same question to a ‘normal’ person. This is exactly why this is so annoying.
Truth be told, there’s a lot of information over the internet, if someone is really interested will take the time to educate him/herself and won’t be asking these kind of questions to anyone.
I have a gay brother and a lesbian sister. We live in a third world country and it has been hell to pay for them. Everytime I see this kind of stuff pissed me so much! If you identify yourself as a woman or a man, and you were born in the wrong body…by all means change it! Go be happy. Everyone has the right to chase happinesand the right to be respected.
Odd… Until you brought it up I never thought about your giblets… Now I can’t stop thinking about your below the equator. JK I love this comic.
They don’t ask because they wanna know. They ask because they wanna put us in a box labeled “M” or “F” or “Oh god that’s freaky”. Genitals are the fallback definition of sex. Like, it goes “clothes and face unless that’s confusing, in which case genitals, unless those are confusing, in which case chromosomes which are only ever XX and XY like I learned in high school science and get back in your binary box dammit”. Nobody walks down the street pulling people’s pants down to decide if they are looking at a man or a woman. It’s a definition that’s only called into action when what they normally use is challenged. So asking is by definition equivalent to saying “hey freaky freak, let me categorize you” and the answer is “no”.
Part of it is too, at least for me, like this huge public reminder of OH HEY DID YOU KNOW YOU DON’T TOTALLY PASS ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU OF THAT THING OR LACK THEREOF INBETWEEN YOUR LEGS THAT PROBABLY DRIVES YOU BONKERS ON A DAILY IF NOT HOURLY BASIS POSSIBLY WHEN YOU’VE ACTUALLY MANAGED TO NOT THINK ABOUT IT FOR A FEW MOMENTS.
Thank you SO MUCH for this. It’s a really nice visual representation of exactly what I try to explain to people, including my students. Lovely. Now I can share this ^_^
You’re putting yourself out there. Whether you’re an athlete, a desk jockey, or even a crane operator, you’re being judged on your appearance constantly. Why do you wear nice clothes to a job interview? So that you make a good impression! You’re judged before you even open your mouth. Instead of fighting the behavior of others, educate them. Don’t make it seem like people who don’t understand your gender plight as insensitive jerks that will never be able to rationalize why you decided to change yourself. If you don’t like to be judged, don’t leave your house. If you’ve got the willpower and desire to change your gender, than you should have to deal with the consequences of your decision. Answering overbearing and what seem like rude questions were part of your decision. Whether you like it or not. Life isn’t fair in that respect. I don’t like things that are said to me, but then again, what person likes every question they’ve ever encountered. Just trying to put it out there, and just because YOU feel everyone should behave a certain way, doesn’t mean that they should. I will say, your comic does do a good job bringing up the issue, and addressing it, but it’s kinda snobby. Not everyone is going to understand, ever.
I can see why the comic would come across as snobbish to someone with such an immature worldview. And…
..Speaks volumes to your very narrow view of people who deviate from gender norms. There is enough scientific evidence to point to gender being something inherent in everyone, even if that gender doesn’t align with their genitalia, per se. Between hormonal and chromosomal variations, we haven’t even scratched the surface of how many potential genders there are out there, and that’s just biology — it speaks nothing of society’s own variations. It’s not really a choice to simply live however you’re naturally inclined, it’s only a choice to avoid it and usually at great cost to one’s mental and physical well-being.
But that’s just arguing the scientific realm. Let’s talk tact: you’re saying that, just because someone might be perceived as different, they’re open to any sort of verbal criticism or interrogation a stranger decides to lob at them? Does that really fly for anyone else who might be perceived as different, i.e. the disabled, people of a different race than yours, people who dress differently for religious/cultural reasons, etc.? Is that really deemed acceptable in our culture or are the questioners usually reprimanded for being insensitive? Because curiosity is natural, sure, but I’m pretty sure I’ve only seen 5-year-olds get away with that blatant disrespect and, even then, responsible parents will tell them to stop that and be polite.
About the only question that is, IMO, perfectly ok to ask is “which pronoun would you prefer?” Beyond that people should probably just Google general questions. Honestly, that’s what I did to learn what I know. I’m not trans* myself but I dated a trans* person (MtF) for several months and I really was very surprised by all the super personal questions people found perfectly acceptable to ask her. Like wow, I’m DATING her and I wouldn’t ask some of that stuff yet! Geez.
I totally agree.
I hesitate to open my big dumb cis mouth, because I’m not sure it’s even possible to ponder this phenomenon (cis people bein’ all “OOOO YER TRANS TELL ME ALL ‘BOUT YER FUN BITS”) without it sounding like a justification instead of a hypothesized explanation.
So yeah. This goofy-assed behavior of cis people doesn’t have a justification. But I think it has an explanation.
I do insurance stuffs for my money. I’m not allowed to do insurance stuffs unless I’m wearing clothes that scream loudly that no really, I’m a mature, responsible professional with A Very Important Career. But the very first and loudest thing that this uniform yells at everyone around me is that I have the twig-and-berries combo goin’ on.
See, we cis people, who some dumbass put in charge of fashion, got this notion that asking about stranger’s bodies *verbally*, and especially their genitals, was super rude, but we still really, really wanted to know about other people’s genitals. So we use clothing, make-up, hair length, hair-shaving habits and a whole mess of other arbitrary bullshit to yell out what kind of naughty bits we got.
This is a really stupid system, obviously, but it’s the one that other dumbass cis people have left us with. And obviously, trans folks willfully, knowingly opt out of this system.
So it’s not necessarily that we think trans folks’ genitals should be public knowledge, one could even argue the opposite. Cis people are basically wearing sandwich signs shouting about their genitals all day, and the fact that trans folks don’t wanna do that weirds us out a bit.
Don’t do this, though, fellow cis folks. It’s still in really, really shitty taste. What are you, two years old?
Wait. . .But, what if I’d be fine with people asking me those kinds of questions?
Am I allowed to ask them to other people then?
K here: No. Just like pooping or fucking in public, some things are socially unacceptable, even if you would very much like to do them. If you want to do them to/at another person — even moreso. The sentence at the end of the comic was more a rhetorical thing to personalize the plight to people who couldn’t otherwise understand. If you still don’t, that’s on you to behave better regardless of your societal boundaries, not on trans* folks like my spouse.
I love you for this. Thank you. Truly.
This comic never ceases to amaze me. I learn something new as often as I laugh my ass off, and it’s remarkable that you’re able to teach me something new about myself.
I admittedly get extremely curious when I encounter someone who I think is some variety of trans. I have the tact to NOT ask them about their crotch giblets, but that doesn’t stop my brain from trying to “solve the puzzle.” It’s not that everyone has to fit into a binary definition, but rather that everyone has to fit into SOME definition, even if there are dozens of possibilities. I honestly just want to understand people.
I never really thought about how unnerving it must be for trans* folk to always be asked invasive questions. I hope I never make them uncomfortable, but I probably have stared more than I should. Crap.
Did Katie Couric really says “transgenders”?
There’s aren’t enough faces to palm. I heard about it before, but never actually saw it.
Also, I have totally done this before in real life. It was quite humourous for the observers, certainly, though the person just became flustered and couldn’t appreciate the irony.
Please excuse my ignorance, but I thought in an earlier comic that you said you were agender…unless this happens to fall under trans*. If so, please excuse me even more.
Anyone who doesn’t feel that they are the gender they were assigned at birth is transgender, including those who feel they don’t have a gender at all.
I feel that coming right out and asking anyone about their crotch giblets (best phrase ever!) is downright rude, no matter who is asking or being asked.
the right way to deal with the “Trans Gender Issue”
Are you sexually interested in me?
No: gender has no relevance, tell me which gender pronoun to use and i’ll figure out the rest as i get to know you.
Yes: see next question.
Am i sexually interested in you?
No: gender has no relevance…. etc
Yes: only situation where gender is relevant…
then again I’m married, so it’s all a moot point anyway
I am beyond offended if someone asks me about my regular old lady bits and would never tell details about it (which has actually gotten people fired as completely inappropriate sexual harassment). Why would someone HAVE to give details (unless they want to) about any bits that have been altered in any way. Seriously the people who say that because you are trans* that people naturally want to know or should know is just plain dumb. The internet is full of people who openly share their lives with pictures if you are that curious.
While I am only a part time cross dresser I am also a bisexual, and have been probed for questions about my parts, and what experience Ive had with other peoples. The type of people that asked this usually demanded graphic answers. It was only until recently that I realized it is not my job to try and educate what people of alternative sexualities/ganders do in bed.
While I whole heartedly agree that questions like so just shouldn’t be asked, I also think that the people being asked should not feel it necessary to humiliate them selves in order to try and bring education and tolerance.
Sadly when i came out to a friend at work that i was Trans the first thing she asked is if i had SRS….. =/ I know she did not mean it to make me mad… I just said no and moved on.. But it still sucks that’s all people want to know once I come out to them. ='(
At school we have a church we can attend and the wife decided I was a woman. She continually did things like tell me not to help carry stuff it was too heavy for me (then now she always is saying how strong I am is shocking), uses female pronouns, etc even after I awkwardly said I am transgender and a guy and she said she understands. Last week, a couple new families came and 1st one from Sweden I introduced myself to the dad and it was fine. But the pastor’s wife messed up the other one by comparing me to her daughter, and then asking if i ever used to have long hair. So I sat in private with her husband to explain what is up, that my school had told them my birthname via my email address, but I am legally a male and she gotta stop telling people I am female it messes up my school life! It went awkwardly, but he tries. Yet at one point after I said I do have legally everything male he asked about surgeries, yup, down there. Then he caught himself and said no no nevermind. He had asked also what if I changed my mind later, to which I replied we must see doctors who do not let just anyone start hormones or have surgeries, and that he would not want to become a woman so he shouldn’t, and if he asked for estrogen he would not be given it, because he clearly is not trans. I also said very very few regret it, but it is possible to undo everything, just a lot more work, so we all think about it very seriously, not just jump into it. So he said if I marry a straight girl, how do we…will it not work? I replied that I met personally a couple transmen who met straight cisgender women (in one case a lesbian cis woman) and fell in love and are now married and buying a house and planning on adopting kids!
Some people ask the wrong questions, but I noticed not all are trying to be gross or hurt us. I answer differently or not at all depending upon the heart of the person asking, and how it was put. In this case I hope the pastor realizes our school has a shit ton of gay men and lesbians and a few closeted or stealth transgender men and ladies, and if he wants to teach us on Sundays about God’s love he must learn more from our perspective.
I love how you mentioned how you consider what is in the heart of the person answering. I know that doesn’t make it better, but I have always thought that, to some extent, intentions matter. Reading everyones stories here makes me a bit embarrassed that I’ve probably put my foot into my mouth a bit too often, and also very touched that so many people are willing to share.
Thank you for illustrating this so succinctly. Somehow it can be hard to put into words, but this nailed it. Now I can just refer folks to this strip instead of answering their invasive and uncomfortable questions.
I believe in a baseline level of politeness whenever possible. That politeness includes not asking about such things unless it is brought up by them in conversation because it is none of my business. And it isn’t. I’d say it’s not even someone’s business if you’re casually dating someone except for some truly sad incidents that happened because of intolerance (so not to be in a position where that intolerance threatens the transgender’s person’s life).
Of course, the evil gentleman in me did think of a response: “I’ll tell you after you answer this question: Did you have a [select: hysterectomy/castration]?” – unfortunately I’m not quite sure what to add after that point because… well, evil. Every comment I come up with is outside the baseline level of politeness! ^^;; (Including such bits as facial hair and “moobs” – I’m evil, as I said.)
In what universe is it acceptable for anyone to ask about anyone’s private parts?! I think many people who don’t fit into another’s narrow views are subject to uncomfortable, inappropriate questions. For some reason, as a childfree ciswoman, people feel the need to ask graphic, urgent questions about my sex life and private parts! Now, please note I’m in no way equating being childfree, which was my choice, with being trans*, which is not a choice. Just noting how clueless, tactless people tend to lose all sense of dignity when trying to force others into their narrow mold of “normal.”
A dear friend recently came out as trans mtf. She was so nervous and shy, especially having gone through so much in her family, including the loss of her brother. She was positively glowing! I’m so happy for her. I credit this comic for helping me in my limited knowledge to understand and be as supportive of her as I can. Thank you.
THIS is why I deny trans history if it comes up in conversation. Now that “genderqueer” is the new normal, people assume that if you are “trans” you HAVE a penis! And no, I won’t share a name/identity with crossdressers, I’m not one. I didn’t go through all that horrible surgery to be “trans” anything.
Thank you for the clarification
I don’t find it negative to be curious. I view sex (genitals) and gender differently. I know there are people who are offended by not being recognized as male or female or neither or both or they with just people looking at them, especially because most people tend to look their sex with out asking and I find no issue with that personally. It just sucks to offend someone who looks androgynous or opposite of the gender they feel they identify with. Which is why I’d probably just ask outright, but many people equate gender and sex to be the same thing so I dunno, I just feel like calling everyone huv or some made up gender neutral term until I know.
It is rude to focus ONLY on sex though and more so to force a person to answer on TV (I really wish someone would just say “That’s very rude of you to ask in this way” but TV is too polished for anyone to be honest, but I can also understand being curious too, I asked my cousin if she was completely gay or bi leaning towards females, because I simply didn’t know. She was fine with the question, since the term gay can be used wrong. Many people don’t know how many sexualities and combinations of gender/genderless exists. I just recently found out what demisexual is, always more then I think as far as types that exist.
See, now I’m imaging someone who actually has giblets coming out of their crotch.
On the one hand, that could be gross.
On the other hand you’ve got a major component of gravy at all times!
…
I’ll see myself out.