Queer Benefits Bathrooms
C’mon, world, stop making me so anxious right when I have to pee.
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There’s actually a useful app for this, called Restroom Refuge. It’s a bit rough and hard to edit entries in but it’s sometimes helpful for finding gender-neutral bathrooms. http://www.refugerestrooms.org
Chain store coffee shops, Starbucks and friends, are usually gender neutral.
As a trans male, what’s the problem with using a male washroom? Is that not the goal?
(I was hesitant to ask this question, I find people online are not polite about this topic)
One, they are (unless I missed something) agender. That means, among other things, that they do not fit the categories of male or female. That means that there’s not any gendered restroom that’s the “correct” option for them.
Secondly, even if they were a transman, that doesn’t mean that it would necessarily be safe or comfortable for them to use the men’s restroom. People tend to make assumptions about what restroom you belong in based on how they are perceiving your gender. If somebody decides that you’re in the “wrong” one you’re in danger of being harassed or assaulted.
I find it weird that you’re a trans man and asking this question. It’s sort of blatantly ignorant.
frozenmask, I assume you are cis. Imagine that you walk into the opposite gender’s washroom. Now imagine you can feel everyone staring at you for being different. Maybe even being accused or assault for “being in the washroom” or “being a freak”.
For a trans woman or trans man, that fear is with them for a long time. When they transition, they don’t change overnight. For quite some time, they may be “visibly transgender”. For many trans people, they never reach a point at which they are not “visibily transgender”. Even those that do “pass” still live with an anxiety that people are going to notice something.
And that’s just trans women and trans men. Now imagine those people that aren’t so “clear cut” in their gender presentation, like agender people. For those people, there might not ever be a time where they are able present in a way that “passes” as male or female. No matter which washroom they choose to go in, someone else might always decided it’s the wrong washroom.
This is why many people in the trans community need gender neutral washrooms.
My S.O took me to where they went to college and there were so many gender-neutral bathrooms I literally cried and hugged the wall where the sign was.
I’ve been post op for 16 years, face included, but at 6’2 I’m always waiting for that restroom confrontation. (I once got run out of the restroom in a lesbian bar) I won’t soil myself, or hold it long enough to hurt myself, if it gets to that point, damn the consequences, but if I can find a “family” restroom I will use it every time.
My mother in law is 6’2″ – not saying cis women of that stature are common but there are some… If that helps at all? But other people can be jerks and it sucks that the default isn’t for people to feel safe, accepted and valued for themselves, because really – it shouldn’t matter how tall other people are. You’re your height and that should be enough for people you meet to accept women can be 6’2″ even if it hadn’t crossed their minds before…
As a European, this still baffles me.. It’s a toilet. Seriously. There’s so many non-gendered ones here….
i was always terrified of public bathrooms as a kid (so much to the point i would cry and panic in there as a pre-schooler-1st or 2nd grade) but once i started seeking out gender neutral rooms and if thats not available, using the mens rooms that anxiety has compleatly gone away. even been replaced with actual joy sometimes that im passing enough to use the mens room. (im ftm and binary tho so its a totally different feeling i guess)