Wig Worry
Of all the reactions I expected to get from wearing my new wig,* I never anticipated the level of hostility I would face from passing many women in public. At the first couple of dirty glares, I just brushed it off as odd, but once I started noticing less-than-friendly looks from more than half of the women I passed, I had to remark about it to K. Surprisingly (to me), she didn’t seem shocked and instead shrugged it off, “that’s just how it is. Welcome to my day.”
I can’t deny it: women can be freaking terrifying to (those they perceive as) other women. Maybe be nicer to each other, everyone, okay?
And in case it sounded too weird to be true, here’s a before and after look of the wig in action:
(*I recently thought it would be a good idea to grow my hair out for the first time in 20 years, so we decided it would be a better idea to just buy a wig to see if I like the look in reality.)
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In other news, it’s only been a week since our Patreon has been active and we’re already unbelievably close to complete and utter comic independence! In other words, we’re inching our way to the sort of financial stability that means ChaosLife & FindChaos can be our main projects, meaning more comics, more material, and faster production! Holy crap, we’re overwhelmed and so grateful to the outrageous generosity our Patrons have shown us. Thank you all so, so much!!
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Edit: March 13, 2014
Hey everyone!
Thanks so much for all the comments on this particular comic — here, in e-mail and elsewhere! I’m afraid I don’t have time to answer every single one, so I’ll just sum up some basic answers for the most common questions!
- – “You made it all up/You were projecting your own insecurities onto women/Maybe you just imagined they were giving you dirty looks.”
I lumped those in together because they’re basically the same sentiments, condensed for presentation. To answer them: Considering that I went out several times in “femme” clothing and/or wig after presenting as typically “Masculine of Center” for years, I don’t think I’d make up an insecurity I don’t even have. I’m pretty comfortable with dressing up however. True Story: I once dressed up like an Oompa Loompa for 8 hours of a work shift (but I also got to stand beside a guy who was dressed as Willy Wonka and who also did the chocolates for the fricken’ Oscars, so at least we enjoyed that ridiculousness together). Simply put: I’m really not an insecure person.
Secondly, each time I went out, there was either one or more persons with me — different people noticed the phenomenon and commented on it. K, my grandma, my friends — without prompting on my part all remarked that women were treating me with subtle hostility.
Thirdly, seeing as the very first comment on the site was someone complaining that I looked “competitive” (an observation I haven’t heard since I played rugby and never imagined in this particular setting) because I wore a nice hair piece, it seems like the hostility isn’t all that uncommon. From the rest of the comments section, a lot of people — men, women, genderqueer folks, etc. — seem to be judged harshly by some people (women included) depending on their appearance. This was just my experience, but there are plenty of others that have popped up that are equally upsetting.
- – “Maybe it was Gender Policing?”
That’s entirely possible and even probable. Quite honestly, even though I might “pass” in photos, I’ve been addressed as “Sir” and especially “young man” quite frequently when in public. I’ve been told I have ‘masculine’ mannerisms and I often dress like a 12 year old skater. I’m not going to offer any explanation of my own for the glares I received but I will say that people judge trans* folks harshly and I’m not immune to that. If that was the case (even from **some** of the ladies) then I honestly can’t offer more than an “I’m sorry” to all of my trans* and otherwise social gender binary non-conforming followers out there — it’s hard to present as you’d like sometimes, but there are good people too. Which brings me to the next point…
- – “Not ALL women are like that!”
Nope! You’re right. I definitely know my wife isn’t like that. She loves women (and people in general) and often smiles at everyone we pass, no matter their gender, presentation, age, race, situation, etc. I’d like to point out that I didn’t say “all” in my blog post, and I made a point to keep my language very open as to “This is my experience, not all ladies did this, but it pretty much sucked anyway.”
- – “You look better as/with/presenting as X or Y!”
Thanks! I wasn’t fishing for compliments or critiques on my appearance in general, but I appreciate the sentiment that you don’t think my face is a total Alien-replica-head. On that note, I only posted the wig pictures as proof in the puddin’ — it’s a pretty neat wig that I’ll continue to wear from time to time.
- – “Don’t let the haters scare you from presenting as you see fit!”
Don’t worry, I won’t. As said above, I’m not a sensitive person and I don’t really care what hang-ups people have about me. Whatever I wear, wig or not, I’m pretty comfortable being me. 🙂
- – “Where did you get the wig? What brand is it? What’s it like?”
I ordered it online from VogueWigs.com, actually! It’s ‘Roll With It’ by the Forever Young brand. It’s synthetic, so it doesn’t feel quite real, but it looks very convincing, it’s lightweight and it has two adjustable bands inside so that you can secure it easily. VogueWigs also has the added benefit of having videos for most of their wigs, so you can see them in action. I highly recommend the site, everything went swimmingly for me!
- – “How did some men treat you when you presented that way?”
That’s the next ChaosLife comic! Stay tuned…
Discussion (129) ¬
Blonde hair like that takes an enormous amount of work to create and maintain–anyone with natural hair like that spends a lot of time at the salon and on product and technique. It makes you look like you’re *trying* to be competitive.
Mix that with your stated preference of wearing traditionally “men’s” clothing, it looks like you’re trying to take the piss out of people.
Just my two cents.
My hair looks like that just after I shower, and I hate it… different strokes? 😛
You look great either way, but wow what a difference.
Also, thanks for getting on Patreon – had you both considered running the pledge by a monthly number instead of per comic? It’s a bit easier to manage my pledges if they’re monthly.
Seriously, she looks great with the wig.
I can’t wait to see her pull off that look without it!
It’s “they” Stiffler is an agendered person.
karak, that makes no actual sense:
– there are plenty of people with blonde hair, with no work put into it at all whatsoever.
– compete with whom? for what?
– the idea that women actively think about and react as if they’re in competition with one another is, in my experience, a myth the media feeds us, so that women get suspicious of one another and then do try to compete.
– You just accused A of looking like they are trying to take the piss. Excuse me, but how fucking rude, on top of nonsensical.
A, clearly you and K were there and experienced it in fullness, so you more rightly know what happened and how to perceive it, but I might suggest, on the basis of my own experience, what you may have encountered was some sort of transphobic-ish gender-policing. I think it’s plausible that how you/your gender reads did not match your perceived presentation in what’s commonly deemed a socially acceptable manner.
:/
Regardless of WHY, though, I am sorry that you experienced that. No one, for any reason, deserves that.
take the piss =/= take the piss out of someone
Just a nudge.
Interesting, can you explain the difference then? Perhaps it’s a generational thing, but I can think of no discernible distinction in this case.
um, it’s an expression that means have a joke at their expense.
yes, I’m aware of that. Both of those things mean that in my usage experience.
“Taking the piss out of someone” means to make fun of somebody, to mock or tease them. “Taking the piss” on the other hand means taking advantage of someone. For a short overview see: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taking_the_piss
those distinctions seem seem very minor, if in fact not interchangeable, and not important to this discussion. So basically it was a huge derailment.
the idea that women actively think about and react as if they’re in competition with one another is, in my experience, a myth the media feeds us, so that women get suspicious of one another and then do try to compete.
are you sure about that? I know when I’ve been at social gatherings with friends of friends (thus not knowing everyone) when I’m wearing something casual but non-feminine, like a witty shirt, the other WOMEN seem nicer to me than when I’m wearing a similarly casual shirt with a V-neck or something.
I wouldn’t say it’s always a competition between all women– but it is a competition to some people. my room mate in college would always be a total bitch if she thought someone looked as nice as her– since looking as nice was impossible (*eye roll*). you’ll also find it more of a competition in bars and malls and such than a more neutral setting…
if you’ve never experienced this, count yourself lucky. as a large-busted woman with long curly hair who is extremely quiet, I’ve gotten my share of dirty looks for no reason when my friends drag me out to bars.
Nope, not sure – just relaying my experience.
Interestingly, I’m also a large-busted person with eh, moderately long, curly hair. And wear almost exclusively v-necks, many of them better described as plunging than just ‘deep’. So I guess I fit the group that you’d figure would ordinarily get this sort of treatment, right? (And fwiw, that I don’t experience it, doesn’t dictate that you don’t, I believe your relaying of your experience, and I’m sorry that you ever deal with people being openly less nice to you on the basis of what you wear or don’t.)
But I’m fat and uhm not sure how to articulate this, but because of social conventions regarding what ISN’T femme, I learn toward more butch stereotypes (ex: I fight full impact w/ fireswords) so perhaps I just don’t experience it because people are afraid to bring that level of hostility (though that strike me as odd, I’m pretty laidback and even meek generally)? Or perhaps I’m just blind to that sort of thing? Not being facetious, I think it’s plausible, but I do think that the hostility that A experienced -may- have had a gender-policing bent to it seems just as, if not more, plausible to me. *shrugs* Enough to suggest it as an option.
Then again, hey, perhaps we see our own struggles in any hostility we experience, so where I might read “gender confirming police”, another person might read “femme hostility”, and another might read something else entirely. I don’t have a lot invested in being right.
It sounds like we actually have more in common than you might think.
Yeah, I mean I think that the experience is really reliant on a ton of factors- age, location, personal bearing— nothing exists in a vacuum. I think the last point you make is a really good one: each person will read hostility or neutrality differently in because of their own interpretation of their self image.
Honestly, since I have PTSD I’m pretty bad with hypervigillence and also will see the worst in most things– so my own viewpoint is skewed fairly far from the average, I would guess.
Oh hun. You just have RBF — resting bitch face. With short hair and masculine clothing, it’s not that noticeable (it’s appropriate for men to have mean neutral expressions). But the long hair brings out your feminine features, and the “bitchiness” of RBF. I think you look amazing either way though. <3
I think there might be something to this. I have noticed that what would be a neutral expression on masculine-presenting people is perceived as being a lot more hostile on femme leaning people. And it might explain why K is used to it — she’s pretty and femme and has spoken about having resting bitch face on tumblr, so that might be an aspect of what’s going on.
Otherwise, I love your current look, and the wig looks great in an entirely different way.
A mostly biased opinion from me, but I actually like that. And, yes, it is partly because essentially my mother in a nutshell: refuses to take your shit.
The other part is that without somebody around to whack me over the head with something blunt every now and then I end up talking the most complete and utter bullcock ever.
While I don’t know about “RBF”, I did pick up on the wig actually accentuating her masculinity rather than hiding it. My initial thought, no offense intended, was that she actually looked more masculine, kinda like a guy in drag, than without the wig.
god damn it! the moment i walked away from the computer I realized I should have used neutral pronouns. even though A has said she doesn’t really care, but I’ve been trying to get into the habit of using ze, zir, zem, etc.
Amazing eyebrow-dyeing wig 😀
Anyway, both styles look great in the pictures.
Hot both ways. I notice in the wig picture, you’re wearing some makeup. (If you’re wearing makeup in the non-wig picture, it’s REALLY good.) Both accent your features in different ways.
Combined with your neutral expression, the makeup and wig say, ‘I’m hot. I know it, and I don’t care.’ Some people take that as hostile. Silly, but… humans, ya know?
Some folks are genuinely insecure and a genuinely attractive person who looks like they’re taking the time to accent their attractiveness drag a nail across that. Suddenly here comes someone capable of taking their boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse. Again, silly, but humans are silly.
Yiiiiiiiikes. Nice wig, though!
“They sense you” 😀 I love K’s matter-of-fact explanation!
I have long, mostly blonde hair and have never noticed the world acting particularly hostile toward me. Maybe I just have nothing to compare it to.
You are beautiful either way but I do have to ask where you got your wig. A friend of mine has been looking for one just like that. 🙂
What a cool wig! Did you like the way it looked? Will you keep growing your own hair out?
Well, it’s a change.
And sure, women can be cruel.
Not meaning to sound offensive, or a dickwad, or whatever (although if I do, well, guess I do), but I’ll have to say that shorter hair seems to fit you better. Don’t take some random stranger on the internet who saw two pictures of it’s opinion for more than that, though.
Wow, BIG difference with the wig, but it looks nice on you! Sadly, it’s true that a lot of women tend to immediately scope and judge others on their appearance, and when I say judge, I really mean “evaluate as a potential threat”. I know it would be awesome to believe women are all above that, and it’s a myth, and it’s just trying to force us into catfights, but, well, women are people, and people do some crappy, douchebaggy things. My being a woman does not exclude me from jealousy or pettiness any more than someone being a man automatically makes someone crude and misogynist. I would say that men do the exact same thing to one another, especially in social situations, but it isn’t as remarked upon because, well, it’s one of those behaviours people tend to automatically attribute exclusively to women.
If I had to guess, a lot of those irritable glances probably aren’t even intentional, and most of it is even born from simple insecurity… being a tall, small-breasted chick built like an Amazon, I tend to scope other women and compare myself against them. If I find myself frowning in her direction, it’s not hostility towards her, it’s me going, “Aw man, everyone looks better than me. Look at her hair/makeup/clothes/whatever… she’s so much prettier than me.” That’s not her fault, or to say she SHOULDN’T look the way she wants to look, that’s just me feeling jealous and insecure because I perceive myself as, in some way, inferior physically, however irrational that feeling may be. Most everyone has body image issues, after all.
That said, there are definitely times when for some women, that look IS hostile. It happens. Look at all the hate even women who call themselves feminists will level at other women who look a certain way. A woman will be called “vapid” or anti-feminist simply because of the way she chooses to dress herself, regardless of who she actually is, as though flowing blonde curls and makeup immediately reduces a woman’s worth even if that’s her decision to look that way. There are certain looks and styles that people look at and fit into categories… people tend to assume that muscular guy who spikes his hair and is perpetually tanned is a douchebag just because of how he looks as much as people assume a good looking attractive woman who dresses in a way that emphasizes this MUST be an idiot who cares more about what men think of her than anything else. It’s unfair, and it happens. Look at the knee-jerk reaction when Bioware had a contest to determine the hair colour of the “official” look of their female space adventurer military heroine… there were women who immediately decried even the option of blonde hair being the default as “another blonde bimbo”… even though the character, regardless of hair colour, was still going to be the superhumanly competent leader, combatant, and no-nonsense warrior she ALWAYS HAD BEEN. It’s a judgement based purely on looks.
Unfortunate, but apparently accurate:
http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2013-11-25/why-are-women-so-bitchy-to-each-other
There are some other studies about it, but basically it looks like “competitive” hostility like this is there to stay. :-/
If a man were to make those remarks the comments would be taken by Tumblr-feminists® yelling “SEXIST!! MISOGYNIST!!!” at his face.
You’ll still get some whiny comments, but EY, you’ll be just fine.
Resident Evil hot.
I dig your short hair, can’t quite pull off short hair myself. Either way — you do you, A. Keep the comics comin’. 🙂
My $0.02. Normally I lurk, but this deserved a response.
You look good both ways.
I am not sure of it’s the lighting in the wig pic, but you have a more sultry look going. Rawr,
Ohai, fancy finding you here, McKavian! *waves* Excellent taste in comics, sir!
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I tend to agree with the RBF/BRF (for some reason, it’s turned into “resting bitchface” online, while it was “bitchy resting face” in the video) . . . I think it’s probably less-so in person, but both you and K tend to go for a fairly mouth-closed, neutral look in photos — which some people can interpret as looking angry or aggro or competitive.
http://www.collegehumor.com/embed/6895812/bitchy-resting-face
HOWEVER, I’d like to be immensely clear — both of you have wonderful faces and this isn’t a criticism!! I enjoy your photos and think you’re both very attractive people, as well as being smart, funny, and talented — and adorably crazy about each other.
I’m saying this as a “Hmm, why could A and K be getting this response from other women?” thing, not as a “How do I, as a woman, respond to the two of you?” question.
Both my daughter and I noted that your neutral expression in the natural-hair photo reads as more neutral, whereas the wig photo has a tinge of “Wanna make something of it?” expression, even though your facial features are in a similar configuration.
I think that part of it is gender policing — men, or people who present as masculine or butch or agender-but-leaning-towards-masculine, are allowed to walk around with a neutral or stern expression, and no one thinks anything of it.
Women, or people who present as femme in particular, tend to be policed for their expression (I cannot tell you HOW MANY times some random stranger on the street has told me to “Smile!”, even though I generally have a pleasant neutral expression and I smile a LOT.)
And some of that is self-policing — it’s almost exclusively men who admonish me to smile, but women police my appearance a lot (less-so now that I’m visibly dealing with a disability, but I got a lot of it in the workplace), in part because I’m very busty, cheerful, have long curly hair, and I fit into the “conventionally attractive” paradigm.
I had people who accused me of being a slut, of sleeping with my boss, of dressing “inappropriately” when I was wearing similar clothes to everyone else, but filling them out differently, etc., etc. So, that would fall into the category of “women policing women,” and yes, it sucks.
Some of it may have been competitiveness, or assessing you as a “threat” to their own attractiveness (such garbage), some of it might have been a response to your expression, some of it may have been that the women in your immediate surroundings were being big ol’ jerks.
But, yeah — the response to masculine presentation and femme presentation can be very different, and some of it can be associated with unpleasant societal issues.
I think you look great, either way, A (and K!) Not that you need a random Internet stranger to approve your appearance — but it’s easy to have this kind of analysis feel uncomfortable and critical, and I’d like to be clear that the only reason I’m commenting is because you blogged about it, and I’m trying to figure out why you got that response from some other random strangers.
And HOORAY FOR YOUR PATREON DOING SO WELL!! *cheers* 😀
Hey, having just caught up on Tumblr — I’m really sorry if I upset you in any way 🙁
Since you didn’t watch the video, I can totally understand you feeling like people were saying that you looked “bitchy” — I was sharing it because, if you didn’t know the origin of the “resting bitch face” comment that I saw earlier, you’d probably be confused and hurt.
My apologies if I contributed to the bad feelings about this experience :/
Hey, don’t worry about that! The reference to “bitch” I was mentioning there wasn’t in regards to your RBF comment, it was one I deleted and didn’t even bother to let appear on the site that went on in detail to tell me exactly how I looked. (Between you and me, I find RBF hilarious and K and I joke about it now and then.) No worries and thanks for the concern! 😀
Oh, thank goodness! I was feeling awful about making you feel bad!
(And, yeah — unfortunately, Being Female On The Internet, or Being Other Than Masculine On The Internet, in your case, can wind up causing some assholes to think that you requested their opinion on your appearance/presentation/etc., and can go on in really offensive detail. I delete them, too, but sometimes they hit me at a bad time.)
<3 to both of you (and I'm Ashbet on Patreon, I think you guys are fantastic and want nothing but good things for you!)
You look great either way! Sorry to hear it’s so cut throat out there. Just do what you want and don’t give a crap about what everyone else thinks. That’s how I try to live, as tough as it can be sometimes.
Science brain immediately pops up with “She should get a straight / brunette wig! And a curly brunette wig! And a straight blonde wig! And redheaded wigs! And black haired wigs! Must check all the variables!”
I will understand perfectly if you don’t want to spend the money to conduct my science experiment, though. 😉
I like your face; it has strong lines. ^^
But yes, the wig does give it a different quality. Don’t be upset, but I thought it gave you a bit of a “strong, independent version of Marilyn Monroe”-kind of vibe. No wonder you got jealous reactions.
That is NOT a realistic portrayal of putting a wig on. It is never that graceful.
..is it just me, or you resemble Britta from community? 😀
:
http://static.tumblr.com/pykzeqe/lQZl2wbh2/teambritta1.jpg
You look great either way, but with long blonde hair you look more feminine and definitely catch the eye more.
Maybe they were just analyzing/admiring and since people are neutral or grim when they just walk around on the street, it seems like they’re looking funny at other people. I know I’d stare at you too, wow.
Actually you bring up a great point about facial expression. I tend to have unintentional poker face or scowl when I’m out in Public. Sometimes a person looks mad when really they’re just content when looking at something. I’m still trying to exercise my face so I just have default smile than a default scowl.
Same thing here, permanent scowl as default face. I unintentionally stare at people when I find them attractive, men and women alike, now I wonder if it looks like I’m scowling at them, yikes.
Well this has been interesting. stink eyes gonna stink.
Yikes — just saw your Tumblr post, and just to be clear, the video I shared is humor made by women, it’s where the origin of the phrase came from.
I figured that, having seen the comment above me regarding “resting bitch face” without an explanation, you might feel like people were *actually saying that you looked bitchy* — it’s a reference to a humor skit, made by women who were tired of people telling them that their natural expression was somehow in the wrong.
But, yes — there is definitely policing of women by women, and it sucks. I’d like to be up-front, though, about the fact that I was *talking about the issue* without actually saying that I buy into it, or that you were *actually* looking bitchy or competitive or anything else — like I said, if I saw you on the street, I’d smile.
I *like* people who look confident and secure . . . there are just some other people in the world who feel differently, or who misinterpret expressions based on their own insecurities or societal conditioning.
Dear A,
I think you look pretty.
But ultimately this isn’t about what we think. If you like the look, keep the look. I don’t really believe in this “BRF” stuff, but if people are nasty to you because they’re insecure about themselves, then that’s their deal, and they’re not worth bothering with. If you’re happy with how you look, and your partner is happy with how you look, then who cares if random people on the street look at you strangely.
Own your look, whatever you want it to be. No one can hurt you* without your consent.
(I mean, physically they could, but that would be an unfortunate situation, and you know what I mean…)
They’re just jealous you can pull off short hair and long hair! Actually, I often feel this way on the occasion I decide to wear a dress. Makes me uncomfortable.
Huh, interesting focuses on most of the conversation here! I was wondering if anyone would point out some key biological/neurological (“Wait, why DO we do makeup/hair like this anyway?”) notes would crop up. Didn’t see them too specifically mentioned, but…maybe this’ll be interesting to some, for the sake of another perspective?
-Framing The Face: The longer haired wig plays into this, calling attention to natural features, more so than the more shorter hair style which isn’t long enough to accentuate the face overall. (Men often use facial hair w/ shorter hair to frame their faces more easily, though long hair with a short bear seems to respond well on tested ‘attractiveness’ metrics!) Makeup also follows this rule in application; the most common methods of applying makeup (for non-camera lighting methods anyway) focus on framing pre-existing structures on the human face to help make the whole pop. The features in particular we focus on tie into more primal base ‘health/psychological association’ stuff, which is a bit less interesting till we get to…
-Facial Symmetry: …the biggest marker of health and beauty, at least in core primal concepts for humans! Framing the face focuses entirely on this. And as you can tell in the split photos, you’ve got a bit of a secret biological weapon there: You’ve got very well defined cheekbones, and by framing the face with longer hair and just a bit of makeup, you call attention to those very central and symmetry-focusing features.
So while fear/judgment/culture may be the reason for some of those looks, depending on the person, you’re also tapping into some primal triggers: Framing the face encourages people to take note, and helping make natural facial symmetry ‘pop’ more makes people WANT to notice and keep noticing.
It’s weird to think about all the ways we can juggle and fiddle with perceptions! Hope you think its fun to think about too.
I just want to add, I think you’re VERY attractive, with or without wig, and I think you’re an awesome person. As for people being…”people,” I wish I could offer some revelation style advice on to this topic, but I can’t. So many people have added good ideas and information, and I don’t think I can add to it.
Still, hugs if you accept them, because I also get bitchy looks from people when I’m out in public, but it’s usually in disgust, or from judging.
That hairflip tho.
Also, your short hair looks neat and awesome. but you also look adorable in a wig. .3.
Hot damn!
I think you look quite pretty with the wig… but then again, I prefer long hair on women in general… (not even gonna get into the “perception of gender” thing… I don’t get it, so I’m just gonna play it safe… I think? straight male cis-gendered scum here 😉 Close parentheses (due to the smiley))
hm as a crossplayer i can totally agree with that look thing xD the looks of they have better X then i have can get weird. I’ve had looks because of legs an stuff and my fake boobs looking better or larger then real ones, even had a friend say shes mad since i had my fakes looking nicer and fuller then her real boobs. was most likely the best and weirdest comment i’ve gotten in my time in dresses an what not.
For what it’s worth, I’d like to say that you look great in both of your pictures. I also agree with your sentiment wholeheartedly. People really should just be nicer to each other. I hope I live to see the day that everyone can treat others with dignity, kindness and respect.
Please keep doing what you’re doing. I’m a big fan of your comics. Best of luck to both you and K, and hopefully it becomes easier to just ignore the haters, both online and off.
You are gorgeous in short or long hair!
Oh my god you are beautiful!!! Like really really hot! And its weirding me out… I mean, I was already confused because i think you are hot as you are right now (I never thought I would find someone so androgynous atractive) and now it turns out you are hot either way :0. I feel strange right now
PD: your wife is also really hot. I guess that that means you both are really lucky
You are fucking gorgeous.
They hate you because you look better than them.
Honestly, my initial reaction to both pictures was “holy crap your eyes are such an amazing shade of blue!” Your hair looks great both ways, too 🙂
There is a similar reaction from women when a guy has better Long hair than they do…When I grew my hair for Cancer wing purposes I got so many glares from women, Especially my older sister. My hair is fairly thick and straight, So I know the feeling. I did not enjoy being glared at by 90% of women,
I’ve never gotten angry glares, just expressions of jealousy and/or admiration. Plus a few tears the first time I cut it. And some more the next time when I actually cut it short.
I must say you look quite wonderful with long hair.
You look damn good either way, to be honest. K is a lucky lady (though I know she already knows that :p)
Those other girls are simply experiencing the pangs of intense jealousy that many are often prone to.
The same can be said for guys with long hair and women. Mine used to reach the small of my back (told you it was long!) and I used to get comments from customers at work saying they wish their hair was as nice as mine. Then I started to notice looks from women while shopping or in cafes. Could feel the daggers they were glaring at me, really wasn’t pleasent.
Its now short again but I’m growing it back. To hell what people think! If they are envious of how your hair looks (wig or not) then thats their own self concious problems, not yours. Embrace the long hair! 😀
I understand that I am so far from your target demographic that I don’t matter, but…
I think you look good as you are. That being said, you want to put the wig on, then enjoy it! You are a pretty lady, agender (I hope I used that correctly) or not…
I know my opinion, being a 39 year old married father of one, and a stepfather of another, probably doesn’t matter, but you two have my full support.
I love your comics, and will be buying them as you get them produced.
That being said, get to work! I want more comics! 🙂
I’m not sure what it is, but comic-you looks a LOT younger with the wig. I would have assumed it was the (boyishly cute) gap-toothed grin if not for the last panel, which confirms the efect.
Short-haired Real-life you looks sullen while wigged-real-life-you looks more steely. I’m not sure if it’s an actual difference of expression, or angle, or lighting, or just plain perception. As for short-haired real-life you… I hope you don’t consider this to be a negative statement (regarding your art or your face), but you look a lot more feminine than I expected from your illustrated self. You look good either way (photographed or illustrated), I’m totally jealous, but real-life you and comic-you look good in different ways (and I really hope it doesn’t sound like I’m saying your art isn’t accurate enough, because that’s NOT what I’m trying to say!) (I mean, I know your gender-nonbinary thing from bios and blog posts, but knowing things about one of your most liked comic authors doesn’t mean you don’t get paranoid about accidentally offending them when you finally do say something to them, and shutting up with the blather now.)
Anyway, it’s not your aesthetically attractive character representations that made me fall in love with this comic, it’s your writing and yours and K’s personalities : )
(P.S.: As a transgirl with chronic RBF, my condolences for the reactions you recieved while out and about. On the plus side, you’re attractive enough for it to be a blessing and a curse, not just a curse.)
Holy cow, permit me to be that internet creeper and say that you’re just downright friggin’ attractive, A, no matter which hair you’re sporting. Those eyes, man.
Honestly, the wig looks really good, too. So you could just keep it and wear it on those days you get the hankerin’ for long locks (because your hair looks super adorable short, too)!
As for the Women Watchers, I hate to be the person who says ‘it’s all in your head’ but part of me wonders if that isn’t really the case. If you go out with a new ‘look’ you’re often hyper aware of people that may be looking at you. I know I get that every time I touch up my henna (and my hair is super brassy ginger before it settles down) – I feel like -everyone- is staring at me, not just ladies. But mostly OLD ladies. Maybe that’s just cause I live in florida and everyone is old ladies.
With all the judgement about your looks, can I just be the first to say that you have friggin’ gorgeous window blinds.
THANK YOU! I’m very proud of them. We’re thinking of painting the woodwork around them a gloss-black this Spring.
Wow, I not expect this kind of comic from you guys. This makes me really sad, because I really don’t think that women think this way. Maybe a few of them do, but I think the fact that women are supposed to compete with each other for men’s attention is just a sexist myth!
Women in general think very differently, also what makes a woman a woman and so on and so on… you of all people are probably familiar with these kind of questions!
I am sorry you experienced hostile glares from strangers, that must be really unpleasant. I have for a long time suffered from social anxiety and really know how this feels. But in the case of my social anxiety it was my mind playing tricks on me. Sometimes we expect to be seen a certain way and then perceive that we are seen that way even though we actually aren’t.
From my personal experience, all the women I am friends with are really tolerant and nice and beautiful people who don’t throw around hostile glares for no reason. Of course that’s partly because I have nice friends, but I also never experienced this in other social situations.
Personally, if I see a beautiful woman, I like to look at her. Because she’s beautiful and beautiful things are nice to look at.
And just on a side note, A, you look beautiful in both photos.
This exact thing happened to me today! I usually wear very gender neutral clothes (button-down shirts and sweaters), but today since it was warm and I was feeling adventurous, wore a more feminine outfit. Women would refuse to meet my gaze as we passed each other in the corridor. It was a bit disconcerting.
It looks a little off in the comic, but in the picture I think it looks pretty good!
If I may, you have some amazing eyes, and I’m not sure if it was the wig or the lighting, but the second pic makes them even more awesome.
Not the exact thing but perhaps another oddity observed in people. My girlfriend was telling me that in her coms class they were giving speeches, and one of the High School aged girls taking a few college courses, came to class, dressed in a simple classy not at all revealing black dress, and some low heels, and both males and females were commenting on how slutty she looked. Dafuq is wrong with people?
I’ve had 16k of bone surgery on my face, and I wish I looked half as “fem” as you look in the BEFORE picture. :/
Wow, it has to be really warm there where you are! They are all in skirts and tank tops/T-shirts? Cool! Wanna be where you are! Here in Germany it’s still jacket-cold… 🙁
btw the wig looks out cool!
I may be completely wrong because I know nothing about you, but perhaps you don’t smile as much as you think you do? You draw yourself smiling in panels 1 and 3 but I wonder what your expression actually was.
You do, at first glance, look a bit intimidating in those photos you posted.
But take these comments with a pinch of salt, I’m sure you’re great in reality!
Its cool how the wig color seems to change the color of your eyes! (Unless its the lighting in the room)
So…would it be weird if we said you’re really hot, with or without the wig?
Hahaha cute comic. People in general are funny, aren’t they? 🙂
And um.. your eyes! They are beautiful!
It’s been said and I will say it again. You look great either way! I know that when I go out wearing a dress / skirt (which happens once every five years or so), I feel uncomfortable because I believe I am being judged when it’s really just friends being pleasantly surprise to see me “dressed up.” But because I am 5’9″ and skinny, lots of strangers seem to throw me shade. Thomas C Connors touched on that – I seem to instantly “slutify” anything that would look cute on any other girl. Love you both and so happy for your Patreon success!
That’s a great wig. If it was just some random picture online without any context to go with it, I’d have no idea you were wearing one.
It’s unfortunately fairly common for women to dislike other attractive women. As you said, not everyone is like that. Sadly, there are plenty of people that are. Surprisingly attractive women tend to pull a negative reaction from men as well! (Once again, not all guys of course.)They become resentful & upset if they think said lady is out of their league. The only time a guy has every called me a slut is after turning them down. -_- It’s a crazy world. XD
I friggin’ love that you showed putting on the wig as a sparkly magical girl transformation. I’m glad that y’all will soon be able to live off these comics because you both are artists who I have nothing but respect and admiration for.
Congratulations kids, you did it your way.
I think you’re hot either way, i’ll go ahead and fangirl over you and K 🙂
The wig doesn’t half make you look tired. Is it really that much effort to put on? 🙂
You must have the patience of a saint…..or a heavily sedated bear. Love the comic yadda yadda yadda, but I noticed you always draw yourself with a gap tooth smile. Is that real or an affectation?
Anywho if you’re ever in Seattle I’ll buy ya a beer or some pho. Thanks for the comics!
While there’s a lot of people saying that it’s some sort of competitive thing with women, I disagree. If all you’ve done is put on a wig without make-up or something that looks feminine, they might think that you are a trans woman who isn’t passing well. That competitive women thing is not very common but transphobia is definitely the norm. I identify as agender and love to mess with everyone’s assumptions about gender so this is similar to what I receive if I dress particularly feminine for the day. Anyway, you’re a really good-looking human so I’m not surprised you can pull off both long and short hair in different colors.
Also, I forgot to mention that you legit look like a superhero in that wig. I love that wig.
Definitely not in your head. If I have a bummy day I get ignored for the most part. But if I decide to dress up and look cute- or just look not bad it’s glares and rude behavior. Some girls are nice and take the time to compliment me though. ^-^
I find your comic kind of spot on. I lost 88 lbs (40kg) of my weight and suddenly I started to notice ppl staring at me (women especially). They didn´t do that before not ether when I had lost 44 lbs of my weight. It felt bizarre, before that I was invisible or something gross to look at.
I don´t think it is about competition. It is about measuring oneself against others. Am I good enough or so on…
Yeah… There’s that dumb thing where women feel the need to compete with/be jealous of/be hostile toward other women who are “traditionally” pretty. (Long, flowing, blonde locks fit the picture.) It seems we’re trained to do this early on in life. I hate it and I wish our culture could get over it already. As for wearing the wig, not wearing it, or growing your own hair out, I’m sure you’ll do whatever you damn well please! 🙂
My gf often explained women to me, especially on the behavior “predator/competitive” area. Not all women are like that (neither are men) but I believe her when she says that once another female realizes a potential female threat on her turf, it’s on (starting with the glares, looking you up and down, whatever).
Once there was a test on TV in that regard, testing where male and female candidates were looking at first.
Interesting enough, when couples passed by the female candidate always checked out the other female first before looking at the equally attractive male partner 😀
…the men usually checked out the face first, btw 🙂
*hugs* thanks for the shout out to Trans* folks and the “I’m Sorry”. Not your fault, but it’s good to hear folks understand our fight.
Ha, thanks. Yeah, it can be hard out there for us trans* folks in so many different ways.
You’re just…damn. You look great both ways. 😀 I’ve been reading for over a year now, but I’ve never gotten to see pictures (except the kitties :3.) Thanks for all of your work and sharing your stories with us.
Men, Women, people in general ( though not all ) are just mean assholes for no reason what so ever. Most don’t know how to be happy themselves so they hate others for being comfy with themselves. Either way, just ignore it and move on. Most if not all of those jealous people can’t and or don’t want to be helped at all.
That was uncool. You’re not allowed to post the words “I went to work dressed as an Oompa Loompa and stood next to a guy dressed as Willy Wonka,” without at least the promise of a comic relating to it. I must know more about this. Also, where were you working that the boss was cool with this?
You’re a knockout either way, but that wig gives you an air of old Hollywood glamour that I think a lot of women strive for. The fact that you pull it off so seemingly effortlessly would make for a lot of jealous onlookers.
You look awesome both with and without the wig!
I think you’re pretty cool :3 I felt so much in common with you as an agendered person as well… With similar experiences either being a surly looking androgenous looking person vs. a girly girl. When I found out you’re a girl/asexual it didn’t make a difference that I think you’re awesome ^^
Not trying to be rude to K or anything but…you look very beautiful with short hair. Why fix what isn’t broken?
Was just watching a film review of ‘Legally Blonde,’ and the film reviewer begins by putting forth the idea that women are encouraged to objectify themselves and act hostile towards presumed competitors for male attention. Not exactly scientific law, but it rings true to me. (Review: http://chezapocalypse.com/episodes/90-legally-blonde/)
On the plus side, you look cool with both short and long hair.
In the wigged photo, the blush draws the gaze to your eyes, furthered by the eyeliner making them ‘pop’, amplifying your expression. Your regular photo doesn’t have this. Short fluffy hair is definitely more casual than the style which looks like it took four hours to prepare, so the expression is further amplified by formality. You look like you’re in charge, and are daring people to challenge that authority. A femme version of FIGHT ME IRL.
That’s an interesting insight. More interesting by the fact that in both images I’m actually wearing the same amount of make-up (i.e., just mascara, my skin and eyes are very sensitive, so I usually just dab on a bit of mascara and that’s… it) — the only difference is lighting since the first picture I was standing next to a window and the next was slightly turned away.
It’s quite astounding how perceptions change once someone is considered feminine!
I guess I just mistaken naturally red cheeks for blush, I apologize! Then correct that to the lighting and angle.
Your wig-hair looks just like my hair! Lets be friends! Blonde curls are the best.
Imho, anyone giving you dirty looks bc of your appearance is jealousssss. And petty, but mostly jealous. ♡
Jealousy seems like a logical motivation: you look great in the wig. With short hair you make me think of Desire from Sandman: ambiguous gender but considered attractive as either male or female.
I should say attractive as either male or female, not just considered.
OMG!! you are so beautiful <3 !!
Your face shapes are sooo perfect!!
I think you look pretty in both pictures… D: Why does everyone has so much hate
You kinda look like Prompto Argentum.
Hey I’ve seen EXACTLY what you’re talking about I the comic. In general, people innately discriminate against anything that is “different”. Even if they don’t really know what’s different, they can sense that something is off. So they’ll give you mean looks because you’re different. You can even see this in young children — they’ll pick on and ostricise kids that are different. I think this can be most strongly seen in teenagers, where kids will verbally and/or physically abuse anyone that doesn’t fit the mold of normal.
Also, from what I’ve seen, women seem to be much more discriminating towards other women than men are to men (in general). Women will judge other women on their shoes, makeup, hairstyle, outfit, how they walk, how they talk, if things “match”, etc…. while men don’t give much thought to most of these things (again, in general).
As a dancer who’s had to wear wigs a number of times for various performaNces, MAJOR PROPS for wearing one just because you wanted to. Wigs are conniving little demons that rebel against staying on your head, let alone *in place,* and I have major respect for ANYONE who voluntarily chooses to grapple with one for extended periods of time just ’cause and stuff. So nice job, wig maestro. 🙂
Separately, I once had to paint my face blue for a performance and didn’t clean it off before driving home. By the end of the day, I’d forgotten it was even there, and it took me a while to understand why I was getting so many weird looks at stop lights. “Why is everybody looking at me like I’ve got blue skin or something? OHHHH.” :p
Wow! You look like a combination of Dane Dehaan and Saoirse Ronan! That’s amazing because both of those people are really pretty! What lucky genes you have!
It’s things like this that make me question my perception of reality and just how much it is lacking, especially in the social sphere that I’m virtually oblivious to. Good times.
Oh, i see you have the “bullshit” haircut now. Godspeed, brave soul
Wow, you have beautiful eyes.
You look friggin awesome either way, your face has nice lines and is well proportioned if that makes any sense. Your eyes are awesome as hell too, a really nice shade of blue. So yes the women glared because they perceived you as a threat, I get that every time I put effort into my appearance. It’s pretty damn scary lol XD
I know you don’t want compliments, but, with all respect, I know your comics every since you only had about 10 published, and never commented. I just have to say, I had never seen you before and I am baffled about how gorgeous your face is. Especially the eyes, that’s some killer eyes. You are a very beautiful person. Not meaning to be creepy or make you uncomfy, sorry if I did! ^^
I know I’m almost two years late but you looked beautiful in both. If you weren’t an a gender lesbian and married, I would have asked you out.
Just rereading through the archives and came across this, again. Man…
I had a similar reaction when going with some girlfriends to try on some outfits. There was one in particular that I looked nice in, and showed off my curves in a way I usually don’t. I don’t normally care to dress one way or the other.
…you can imagine the…I have to call it waspishness, despite the backlash I might get from using that word. It was hostile, but it was sharp, also.
It was bad enough that the only other girlfriend who did not react–we had a sudden pow-wow in the parking lot on leaving. We were both surprised, a real: “What the fu was that?” moment.
I dunno, man. We women can be WEIRD.
I think that it is because you have this somewhat gritty-but-sexy “je ne sais quoi” when you wear it
I think you look great both ways. Don’t let the negative looks/comments get you down. I enjoy your comics. The cats are hilarious. You are a very talented artist. I try, but I end up with one good eye, a demon blob on the other side and no matter what I try the mouth looks like it belongs on a very creepy Halloween pumpkin. :-/